Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ignorant Parents Deserve Atomic Wedgies

Prepare for a rant…

I think parents and non-parents would agree that sometimes it is tempting to scream “Control your child!!!”Obviously directed at the ignorant parent chatting up a storm with some other ignorant parent while their child maliciously attacks other children at a preschool style playground with a weapon of mass destruction.

I wish I were exaggerating, but such was the scene yesterday afternoon at the playground by my house. Okay, maybe the mass destruction part was an exaggeration, but just slightly. I would have taken photographic evidence to put here, but I was too busy trying to protect my children from what would certainly have been their sudden demise a serious injury. I mean what parent in their right mind sends a 4 year old boy into a playground full of other preschoolers with a large, heavy plastic sword!?! And sits idly by while said 4 year old wields it above his head, swings it wildly and swiftly whacks every innocent bystander in the gut.

I quickly collected my girls and removed them from the obviously dangerous situation until the terrorizing 4 year old left the playground. However, as is probably not surprising given that I am still ranting about this a day later, I regret my certain inaction in the situation. Unfortunately, I am an avoider and hate confrontation. Here is how my inner devil wishes I had handled the situation:

I quickly divest the 4 year old hooligan of his weapon, pick him up and deposit him in the baby swing, where is now effectively inhibited and his reign of terror ceases. I march over to the ignorant parent and call her out while waving the plastic sword in my hand. She stands up and I give her the biggest atomic wedgie that has ever been performed on a human being (thanks to her enormous granny panties), and then I whack her in the gut with the plastic sword and politely suggest that she collect her little hooligan and be sure to never return to my kingdom this playground again. The crowd cheers as I stand atop the playground slide with the sword held high above my head shouting "Freedom!"

Sigh… that feels better.

1 comment:

  1. Personally, I would politely interrupt the moms speaking and say, "that sword has hit my kid, and someone is going to get hurt, can you please take care of it. Thanks" Then I would politely stare at her until she got it. Most likely she would have been the one embarrassed. Its all in the much as you would like to go off the handle because really, what a stupid move on her part...a plastic sword in the hands of a 4 yr old on a crowded playground? Kill'em with kindness.